Marriage Story

Movie, 2019, R

Premise - A married couple with a young child are in the midst of a divorce. Though they would rather mediate without lawyers, their increasing differences force them to each hire a lawyer in a divorce case that becomes volatile, messy, and incredibly personal, to the point of even arguing residency and custody over their son.

Review - This film received massive awards-season recognition, including a nomination for Best Picture. My sister had seen it and practically begged me to give it a watch myself. The film is groundbreaking for its honesty - divorces suck. They cost money, they are legally confusing, they are sad, and the end result is quite lonely. But in many cases, they need to be done. And what films have ever, EVER acknowledged this? We all want to watch love stories with happy endings, not what comes next.

The film's opening sequence already had me hooked. In it, we have both characters read a letter listing the reasons why they love each other. However, while the dialogue speaks romance, the video shows the reality. "They are competitive" may have been said as a compliment, but what we see on screen is a character losing their temper over a game of monopoly. The things they find endearing and lovable are very precious, no doubt, but they can get old. As the montage ends, we see that this is a couple already in the midst of divorce, and meeting with a mediator. We as an audience don't get to see the fallout of their marriage - it already happened. Because there would be nothing to see. Their marriage died slowly, over years, due to those little wears and tears of existence we see in the opening montage.

So therefore, the film is not about two people falling out of love as I had predicted. It starts with them already having decided on splitting. Instead, the film is far more about the legal processes of divorce that I was entirely unaware of. I knew divorce lawyers were expensive, but THAT expensive?? What if you don't have the money, you just stay married? You separate without divorce? What happens?? And I didn't know that men have to pay for a woman's divorce lawyer so as to protect against flaky fathers, way for horrible men to ruin the system for everyone. And those custody/residency laws?? Oh, my lord. They want equal custody of the kid, but the mom/kid moved away to LA and the father lives in New York. The divorce was filed in LA so it's considered an LA divorce, and the dad who wants to stay in New York is just screwed custody-wise. It's all insane.

But it's real. The film's beauty is in its incredibly long takes, where the actors are just talking openly and honestly about their experiences. I give most of my props to the first scene between the wife and her lawyer, as Scarlett Johanson (wife) in a super long take tells the whole story of her marriage.It was a true acting feat, for both performers. It's style is hyper-realistic, even leaving in moments such as a lawyer sneezing. It feels like it could be a snapshot of reality.

There are some gender dynamics to the film as well. The husband is not a deadbeat father, but we still get the sense that he does not have the same parenting caliber as the wife. The wife always felt stepped on and unheard in the marriage, and felt as if her identity was tied to her husband rather than herself. The husband felt like he was deprived of his chance to be with other women when younger. These are all pretty typical scenarios.

Thankfully, the film isn't entirely depressing. There is a definite sense of both relief and justice at the end, as finally all the pieces settle into place. Compromises needed to be made, most notably that the father only has half custody during infrequent visits to LA, and obviously is not a primary caregiver when in New York. Justice, perhaps, for never being the one to compromise during the marriage. (92/100)

Quote - "We can accept an imperfect dad. Let's face it, the idea of a good father was only invented like 30 years ago. Before that, fathers were expected to be silent and absent and unreliable and selfish, and can all say we want them to be different. But on some basic level, we accept them. We love them for their fallibilities, but people absolutely don't accept those same failings in mothers. We don't accept it structurally and we don't accept it spiritually. Because the basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, mother of Jesus, and she's perfect. She's a virgin who gives birth, unwaveringly supports her child and holds his dead body when he's gone. And the dad isn't there. He didn't even do the fucking. God is in heaven. God is the father and God didn't show up."

What to watch for - Performances by Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansonn! Laura Dern won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress but honestly... I don't really get it. I mean, she was fine, but very much out-shined by the other cast members.

If you liked this movie, I'd recommend Paterson!

Directed by Noah Baumbach

Distributed by Netflix