You Will Get Through this Night
Premise - YouTube comedian Daniel Howell has spoken publicly online about his struggles with depression and sexuality. Rather than write a solipsistic memoir on the tragedies of his past, he has written the book he wished he could have read when he was younger and that he hopes will help young people today. You Will Get Through this Night is a practical mental health guide written in conjunction with a clinical psychologist that educates readers on what mental health is, how to manage it, and how to protect it. Along the way, he ties in personal anecdotes to support the efficacy of these techniques.
Review - I have written before about how I have become an absolute demon for Dan and Phil and that has not changed. It's alarming how much power they have over me, as an audience member, and how much money I will give to have all the content. You bet your ass that the SECOND this book was announced, MONTHS before it was available, I preordered a signed copy. I was ready to do this before the book was even announced, because the obsessive fans like myself were able to pick up on all the signs that a book was coming out. I was ready to preorder before I even knew what the book would be - Poetry? Memoir? Fictional novel? The last thing I expected was a "practical mental health guide" because, duh, Dan's not a mental health professional. But I preordered it anyways without a second thought because I'm not going to miss out on Dan and Phil content.
Like many, I think I was wary at the idea of Dan writing mental health advice. It's one thing to write about his own personal experiences about mental health, and another entirely to make recommendations on behalf of other people. I think people with personal mental health struggles, and/or people who are mental health professionals, were extra sensitive to the idea of reading mental health advice given the fear that they would read something that felt incorrect or unrelatable.
It's interesting the journey I have had with understanding mental health treatment and how that has affected my opinions of this book. When it was first announced that the book was written in conjunction with a licensed CBT psychologist, I was much relieved. At the time, I was fresh off a very Western psychiatry research position that promoted CBT as the sort of gold standard for mental health treatment, which is a very dominant paradigm. The more time I have spent in social work and reflected on my own experiences, however, the more critical I have become of CBT being seen as the end-all, be-all.
Much of the book (as much of CBT), reminds you that you are not your thoughts, and that your thoughts may be distorted and untrustworthy. For example, thoughts may be telling you that people don't like you, when in fact, that is a misperception that is fuelling your avoidant behavior and creating a vicious cycle of not being able to relate to people. Therefore, much of treatment surrounds identifying distorted thoughts and correcting them.
Now, a seemingly completely unrelatable subject that actually is brought up briefly in the book is the concept of gaslighting, which is a term that most commonly is used in the context of intimate partner relationships. Gaslighting is when a partner tries to convince you that your thoughts aren't real or that you're just "crazy" to hide the abuse that is happening.
Two unrelated concepts that have a lot in common - the idea that your thoughts aren't valid. So, in a world that can be abusive, discriminatory, and traumatic, can't CBT be a form of therapeutic gaslighting?
I'm not anti-CBT, but I'm incredibly cautious and nuanced about applying CBT to marginalized communities. While the book speaks somewhat to marginalization (especially in the realm of sexuality, since that is what Dan is familiar with), some of the concepts aren't as directly tied to the CBT as I would have liked. And the way the book presents psychological concepts as "cold, hard facts" is just something a psychologist should never, EVER say. That's not how evidence works and was a bothersome marketing strategy for the book, despite making it probably easier to digest for everyday people.
Any cognitive techniques tend to focus a lot on how if you just change your mindset, your mental health improves. Books like this with concrete skills and exercises make mental health seem easy, which is the point the book tries to get across. The idea that little things can improve your mental health is a fantastically optimistic sentiment, and if they work, teaching these tools is a massive public health win. However, these techniques are not universal, despite the way they were presented as such. I'll give the example of the oxygen mask on a plane, where self-care is sort of described as you needing to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others. This metaphor works for me, as it does for most Americans, because I abide by the personal rule of "I can't do good for others if I don't feel good myself". However, for indigenous people or people from other more collectivistic cultures, this metaphor does not resonate, as the worldview is reversed to, "I can't do good for myself if I don't feel good about the wellbeing of others." There's a cultural sensitivity to this "cold, hard factual" book that is missing from this incredibly Western, empiricist view of mental health. I also think the book ignores a lot of the environmental barriers that can be faced, most notably with children. I work with teenagers who would love to just easily form their own boundaries, but have abrasive parents that they literally cannot escape. So the idea of being in control of your own life for children, or perhaps disabled or institutionalized people, does not apply.
There is a delicate balance here between making mental health treatment seem digestible, and not as daunting or hopeless - while also not basking in toxic positivity and making it seem simple to just make your mental health problems go away. I think the book does a decent job of is acknowledging the ongoing, chronic nature of managing mental health symptoms, recognizing that mental health fluctuates, emphasizing the need to nurture mental health in both good and bad times to prevent more serious pathology. I think the book also does a good job of reminding readers that this is not a substitute for therapy, recommending and advocating for therapy, while also balancing that with the financial, structural, and cultural barriers that keep many people from accessing therapy. So I was very pleased to see that the book reminds people that the best way to improve mental health is to find connection and community with others.
I read this book hoping for Danecdotes, but honestly, if you're a dedicated Daniel Howell fan, there's no new information in here. These are all jokes and stories we've heard before (and may be very difficult to understand for outside readers?). So this really doesn't give you "the scoop" on Dan, nor is Dan a particularly skilled writer. It's about the mental health exercises and tools.
I've been highly critical of the book because this is a topic that matters to me. But all in all, I was incredibly pleased with the amount of practical information provided. From a public health perspective, psychoeducating the masses is a HUGE deal in improving community mental health, and I want everyone to have basic information on mental health. This book is a step forward in that direction. The exercises are also something I could easily see making copies of and distributing directly to my own clients and students. (87/100)
Quote - "You can be your own light" - I bought a poster with this quote, despite my nuanced criticism of the concept of self-determination as written above.
What to read for - There are separate pages that have the cut and dry activities you can do. It's as practical as it gets - and these are definitely activities that are taught in real therapy sessions. Some examples are intentional abdominal breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
If you liked this book, I'd recommend all of the content on Daniel Howell's Youtube channel!
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